Friday, October 14, 2011
Pilgrim in Paradise #3
Waiting, waiting, planning, revising the plan, going to sleep with no other thought bouncing around, excpet the plan, only to wake up in mid conversation about how this could all go wrong, and, how it all could go so massively right.
Unable to take another step forward because of government bureaucracy there seemed to be a new path layed out in the apartment every day as boxes and bins started to fill the space where furniture had once sat, given gladly away to anyone who would brave the three flights and forty stairs to retrieve it - what would come, what would go and what could stay, at least for the time being
An essential question started to be bandied about - jokingly at first, then as each day passed the answers took on more urgency, more introspection, more stress but the rationale offered were no less any clearer:
What does one REALLY need in order to make an apartment feel more like a home than a vacation rental? How far is the trip to the nearest big box store and how much toilet paper should be used as stuffing against the fragile items placed in the bins?
Heated arguments spilled over into unsuspecting conversation where it became apparent that asking the question felt more like a critique - a judgement then simple physics.
There's only so much room to ship, to store and to display; how can one make a decision based on a space sight unseen?
Certainly comfort is not too much to ask for when one senses that the job at hand will require much mental and physical effort but really - what is important - non negotiable?
A great pair of shoes, check
Monkey Butt Talcum Powder - how does one survive a kitchen shift in the tropics, neat the equator without it?
Iron, spray starch - purely mechanics; what about something that feeds the head - art, music, incense, yoga mats - how are they any less necessary than your favorite fruit mix or pictures of family and friends?
In the end, I felt like having a good old fashion bon-fire because once the flames consume old menus, song lyrics that don't make sense any more or reams of notepads, calculations, inspiration and solutions - surely they worked once, couldn't they be counted on again in the another, yet unforeseen crisis -there would be nowhere to go but forward, the fire having consumed the past.
Or was it all just clutter?
Maybe the real treasure, the one worth keeping, feeding and building was what resided in my mind, my spirit - my soul, all of which could be counted on to come up with a new solution, to a new problem, in a new age.
Boxes were unpacked and rearranged - some begrudgingly, even bordering on the bitter - some because it didn't make sense to fight over one more box of memorabilia. There would be battles ahead that would require much more effort than this - this was, after all, not really important.
Our health - now that was important
Our spiritual quest, our daily sharpening of the saw - that was really important
Nourishing our body and our spirit - at last compromise was met
The path through the apartment changed daily, really confusing the cat - me, I just wanted to make it to the bathroom without a minor mistake occurring.
That's how time was spent, waiting.
And then came the call; several really - one right after the other along with blazing scenes of deja vu; so strong I had to turn my head in the moment and question whether I was imagining it or not - but I knew better.
And then, there was no more waiting; time, it seemed, was a premium - and one not to be wasted on trivialities - now I had to get moving..
After a month on craigslist.com I got an email from someone making an offer on the Vibe
My first response of any kind - email, phone call - or shout over the back fence for the entire time it was listed
My trusty blue 2005 Pontiac Viberator GT, who had sat dormant - unheeded and uninspired in the want ads for a month with nary a bite, nothing, zitch, bubkuss - suddenly had become a hot property.
It sold in a day.
I had three payments left
6 years and 16% interest and suddenly - it was gone
And so was my last key
Those of you who have been following my progress as a Pilgrim in Paradise know that, by now, I have winnowed down my possessions to a single key.
One last key remained of my attachments to the life I had previously known, and lived and now when I had given it away, willingly I might add at my asking price, I felt...
Relieved, at the reality of no more car payments - no, I had gotten good at budgeting
Jubilant at the end of 6 years of usury - not exactly, I had signed on the bottom line after all
Mainly I just felt......
That's what I felt, completely and utterly naked -
Not the nakedness of someone stripped and laid bare without their consent; this was a freeing nudeness - one taken on willingly, joyously, one to be celebrated with a romp, a dance and maybe even a song
Well maybe not yet - I have one or two steps left before I jump this rock and emigrate to a new and exciting land - one where an apartment awaits although I have no idea what it looks like or what's in it.
One where a car awaits for me, although I have no idea what make and it didn't seem too important to ask; I, after all, now need a car - and right now, any that works will do
I have a job waiting for me to fill with enthusiasm, intelligence, good humor and the energy of a novice.
Yes, this time, I'm going in celebrating that which I do not know, reveling in that fact that there is much to learn and I am an eager student.
All that awaits me but for now I have several more days to love my friends and family up and make the most of the moments I have left here.
Stay Tuned my Friends - tomorrow I promise to tell you where I am going - your gonna love it!
Tall & Frosty now
Yes - all my love