Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Do Your Best

Dear Readers

Sorry it's been a while since I've last written but I've been focused on doing my best, in the moment, every day - and I'm very glad to be back.

A couple of weeks ago I had an unfortunate experience. While in the Bahamas, I was hurriedly walking down a flight of stairs and twisted my ankle severely. It could have been the 3 black russians I had in me or the fact that I was in a slightly wet bathing suit getting back to the hot tub before lights out.

In any regard, when I twisted my ankle I fell down the last flight of stairs and ended up fracturing my fibula, the smaller bone in the lower leg, when I impacted the stair edge with my leg, trying vainly to protect my head.

After a few xrays, and about $1000 dollars in CC preauthorizations, I was given good news - I would not need a cast and, in fractures such as these, the prognosis was a lot of ice and elevation.

I joked with the xray tech - 'They say to take lot's of pictures on holiday but I don't think they meant these kinds...' I tried to make light of it all but in reality I was scared that I might need surgery in order to repair the break.

I was referred to the local private hospital, "Doctor's" and was immediately put at rest by the attending physic an who not only looked after my physical aliments but took great pains to make sure that my emotional health needs were met as well - laughing and joking with me.

Side note: this has now been twice I've visited hospitals in Nassau and I can say that the quality of care in each case surpassed any experience in a US hospital; might have been the phenytenol that they gave me to calm me a bit but the staff seemed more genuinely caring instead of detached as some of our highly trained and world regarded medical staff can be in this country.

I had been on a roll previous to the accident and felt great. Now with a busted leg, egg on my face and the prospect of yet another period of healing (I had a lamenectomy fusion from L3 - S1 back in October of last year - if you have to ask then consider yourself lucky - that took me 5 months of carefully scrutinized healing to get back into shape), needless to say I was a bit depressed.

On the flight home I was confined to a wheel chair and let me tell you by the time I got home to my own bed I had become furious at how the disabled are treated; I had to look myself in the mirror when I got home and challenge whatever beliefs I had held about the handicapped or merely hobbled and found myself sadly lacking any real knowledge nor any previous desire to know until I got to experience myself - it taught me a lot about myself and less about others but that's not the point I'm working right here, right now.

A couple of days later, still frustrated at my immobility, angry and close to tears, I considered something I had read before.

In Don Miguel Ruiz's book 'The Four Agreements", one of the agreements he encourages the reader to commit to him or herself is, 'To always do your Best'; understanding that you're 'best' can fluctuate from day to day. One day you're physically active, responsive and capable, the next day Mercury goes retrograde and you can't even get a copier to work with you.

A slight exaggeration I know but the premise still holds; we're often the first to beat ourselves up if we somehow miss the mark or fall short of our, or anyone else's, expectations.

For the last two weeks, the best that I have been able to do is rest - alot, ice my leg - 10 minutes on, 20 minutes off, and keep off it and elevated - regardless of my responsibilities or what anyone else thought, this was the best use of my time.

That forgiveness and self - permission took a bit of work to get to but I got there and finally, finally feel good enough to get back doing what I love to do; write and be in relationship with you and all whom I love.

We get to stop our self judgement right in it's tracks and find the courage to be kind to ourselves. Our self flagellation will only prolong our healing, perhaps even make it impossible to do so and it's only through kindness and laughter that our bodies vibrate with healing energy and gets about the business of straightening bones, repairing ligaments and strengthening muscles.

I know there's a metaphor for our culture, our time and our economy in there, but I'll leave it to you to find it!!

Sorry it's been a while since I've last written but I've been focused on doing my best, in the moment, every day - and I'm very glad to be back.

Take a moment and drop the needle on Aerosmith's Rocks album and listen to 'Back in the Saddle' cause I am, and loving it.

Much, much more to come, I've got a bit of catching up to do.


  1. Ahh, I'm pleased to find that you're on the mend. And I do appreciate the reminder that it's just fine to vary your best. Some days my best consists of finding two similar colored socks and a shirt with only a moderate amount of unknown substance attached to it....
    I was alerted to the sound of a pen cap being placed on a pen last night as I was watching the television....I followed the sound to find that our dear Coco has a penchant for tribal tattoos.....

  2. Hey, what can you say - it's in da genes baby - I'm so happy that you follow this silly little display of shameless self promotion; I love you so!!

  3. I, too, am glad you are on the mend! I am also delightful in that we connected our circles in the Bahamas..despite the resulting pain for you. Always remember however, that sometimes, God needs to give us a 'kick in the a..' to bring us back to alignment. It may not be pleasant, and can be downright nasty, but it is always positive when we are passed through and take the time to evaluate.
    Keep doing your best darling, you do it better than anyyone else!