update -kinda sorta
last night I dreamed that I lost all my teeth
I can still feel them laying in my hand as I spit them out then scattered them on the earth, like johnny apple-seed but not really sure what I was planting
Couldn't quite make out what the dream meant, if anything
Today it was whispered to me, not long after I remembered the dream, that this was a metaphor - or my reality now - for me to start discarding all of my old paradigms, ways of being, personalities and ego conversations; that they will, indeed, no longer serve me - and as useless, need to be exorcised (my word)
And I get to 'grow' new ones to replace that which will not serve me any longer moving forward - forward and out beloved, for what choice do we have?
We're all headed out, either as a willing, co-creating participant or dragged along kicking and screaming.
RIGHT after that my ego piped up, 'you're not that easily rid of me, b*** - how about these feelings????'
And then they descended - fear, panic, loss, negative self worth - the whole kit and caboodle - can anyone relate?
I was struck at how beautiful they were - the feelings, even the negative ones; so complete, convincing, conniving, calculating...they were so intricate - really a wonder to behold.
Yet separate - but wait how can that be?
Are they not me?
Are they not a part of me?
Who am I without them?
Dammit, this was a conundrum....I 'saw' them, 'tasted' them, I even crawled inside of them to see them from inside out and finally came to the conclusion that,not that I know anything of course but maybe, just maybeI can live my life, and this incredible adventure before me...without them - or more appropriately a new one:
I know I'm not out of the wilderness yet, or maybe will never be but the fear does not define me, not anymoreI know now that I can find, and enjoy playing with, the middle ground - neither completely gagged by my emotions or so removed from my experience that I am above them - I mean were's the fun in that?